Tuesday, May 3, 2011

PLeaSe sHOot Me... or... HAve mE comMitteD

Im going crazy. Well, not as I type.. and as you read this, but about 6 hours ago I was. I would have opted for either of the two prior mentions in my title.

Tell me why I thought taking my two boys.. that were in need of a nap..

need.. thats an understatement...

why i thought that it would be a good idea to make a "quick" stop at a clothing store.

Just to try on a few things, get a few last minute birthday gifts, browse. It sounded a lot better in my head than how it actually played out.

They say traumatic events are sometimes displaced from your memory so I will try to gather as much of the event that I can and that has not been blocked out forever.

WHY do they make shopping carts that look like they are for preschoolers? Do you want to limit how much merchandise I can shove in my basket? Do you think I'm gonna buy ya out?

Come on people.

I can't even stick the infant carrier sideways in the cart and have enough room for Landon to sit in the toddler seat fully extended.

Poor kid has to hunch over like a college frat boy over the toilet.

Good thing we hadn't eaten dinner yet or it might have come up.

Fun stuff right? And the shopping hasn't even began yet. Browsing.. well at this point thats out of the question. I have my checklist in my head and Im sticking to it.. wait I can't even hear my checklist over the crying baby. Thats right. The baby cried. The baby kept crying. From the time we entered the store til the time we left. We were there 58 minutes. But whose counting.

OK. So were off. Looking for a shirt for my mother that is for my brother.

Long story.

Found one. Send the picture text. Wait for response. Baby Screaming.

Toddler escaping.


Yes, my son climbing out and down to run around.

Ok. Found the kid. Buckled in. Buckle tightened. Crying Baby. Crying toddler. Almost crying mama.


On to a different section. Found some shorts to try on. Why did I think I could try on shorts with 2 crying kids?

Oh a text back from my mom. I got the wrong size. Oh well I will go back on my way out to change it. I have to pee. I have to pee bad.


Kids out of the cart. Walking to the bathroom.. a step behind another lady. This lady sees me and my two kids yet chooses to take the big stall.


I try to fit me, Landon and Gavin who is in the infant carrier in the little stall.

Doesnt work.

Doing the potty dance.

Landon decides he has to pee, but locks me out of the stall. Doing the potty dance while trying to get Landon to open the door to his stall.

Baby still crying.

Gets Landon to open the door.

Landon pees in the potty.

The lady is still in the big stall.

Can see lady through the crack in the big stall.

Her shirt is off?

Yes that is a question.

Why the heck is her shirt off?

She gets redressed.

Comes out and apologizes saying she should have let me go first.

NO, we could have gone at the same time if you would have been normal and took the small stall and kept your shirt on.

On to the dressing room. There is a family dressing room. Yay I can take the cart in and keep them strapped down.

Baby still crying.

Why I haven't left yet is a mystery to even myself.

Landon shouts.. "why you naked mom?"

I try to explain loudly (loud enough that the young man that showed us to our dressing room can hear) that I am NOT naked, my pants are just off. AWKWARD!

Found some shorts. 2 pairs. Yipee!

Go looking for the right size shirt for my mom.

There isn't one.

Text her back.

Does she want me to get it or not.

Wait for a reply. Baby crying. Still waiting for a reply. Baby crying. Decided to get the heck out of the store and pay so we can go home and I can regain sanity.

Pay. That part went well. Aside from the baby crying.

Go to the car. Get Gavin in the car. Get stuff in car. Get Landon in c... wait... wheres Landons other shoe? WHY ARE YOU ONLY WEARING ONE SHOE? "i take it off and throw it in store." Take Landon out of the car.

Take Gavin out of the car.

Go back in store.

Retrace steps.

Find shoe.

Go home.


Thank God.


Natalee said...

Will you shoot me if I say I laughed the entire time I read this?

That's the beauty of bad days and traumatic (did I spell that right?) events...eventually you can look back and laugh.

Are you there yet? Or is it still to fresh of a wound?

I can now laugh about konner and khloe going for a joy ride. Oh and dead rats are pretty funny too.

Don't worry you will get there.

Juliene said...

I'm sorry but I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!