Wednesday, March 2, 2011

...disappointment and regret collide...

Soccer has always been a huge part of my identity. It has been stripped from me time and time again. I had to sit out my junior year of highschool soccer, because I got surgery on my knee to fix a torn acl. So I was eager to get back into my senior year. I was so excited, I still remember. But as my luck would have it, the first game my knee got taken out. I knew it. The same pain as before. 1 game was all it took.. back to square one. I did finish that entire season without telling my coach that my acl was torn. I told myself I wouldn't get surgery again.. how much good it did me the first time around right? Well as the years passed I played a little here and there. My knee held up well enough. Then I joined a team, 1 game into the season I found out I was pregnant. So there went that, but that time I gladly gave it up. After Landon was born, I had no choice but to keep up with him. My knee gave out on me here and there and I started playing soccer again. It was unstable. Matt and I talked about it and thought if I was going to fx it now would be the time. So once again I couldn't finish a season as I went ahead with the surgery. Rehab with a very active one year old was not the easiest. I wanted to take my time this time around and make sure I was ready. Well I found myself pregnant again, perfect timing. It would be another year before I would be able to play, another year for me knee to heal and get strong. I did everything right this time, how did it go so wrong? I had been jogging and excercising. I can honestly say, I had not felt that good and my knee that strong since before my junior year. So I found a league, put together a team, signed us up and headed to the first game. It felt great to be back out on the field. Still not in the shape I would want to be in, but it was amazing... until the second half. It was like a replay of my senior year. A nightmare. My knee got taken out from the side. SNAP. I heard it, but more than that, I felt it. A familiar feeling. Disappointment. Regret. What a waste.

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